Out comes the juicer; a head of broccoli; 3 sticks of celery and 2 apples liquidised for breakfast, pre-fixed by a pear in its entirity.

Mid-morning snack: mandarins and melon slices.

Lunch; handfuls of sunflower and pumpkin seeds; raisins; dates; various nuts and apricots.

Lots and lots of water rehydrates my dry body.

Me and the dog, walking; me in a teeshirt and cut off pants, him; naked as the day he was born, hair down to the floor. Well, it is June.

The sky goes dark, we enter the stationers that I have befriended for nearly seven years now and spent vast sums of money with....."I need the loo desperately." I tell her. "I can't, we're not insured." she says looking hopeless.

Quickly paying for my purchase I leg it to the local wine bar 'La Bodega'. Shortening the dog's lead and barging in,  I head straight for the unisex toilets, knowing that the staff, on seeing an unwelcome dog, will have little chance of apprehending me before I reach my goal.

Relieved, I leave the building. A crack of thunder is followed by the heavens opening, they open in the same way that a lock opens on the canal and water rains down with a force that I have not seen for years.

Me and the dog (or the dog and I, as my mother's disembodied voice whispers in my mind's ear) shelter in the wine bar porch as the torrential rain bounces off the pavement. A woman drops off a man who rushes to the doorway and the safety of the winebar's cosy interior. The woman looks at me and looks at the dog, smiling, she starts the cars engine, and  pulls away from the curb.

In my imagination I swap places with her; "Where are you going? I shout, "Hop in and I'll take you there, you can sit your dog on your knee." Is it just me who does things like that? Like the time I was behind an 82 year old pensioner in a shop, who was buying an ironing board, the delivery of which cost more than the board itself. "Delivery will be in ten days." Said the assistant. "And will cost £30." "Why don't you take it now and I'll take you home." says I. The old man was delighted and so was his 80 year wife on our arrival. I took their old ironing board to the council tip.

Does anyone else not get Facebook, or is it just me?

A rather bad haircut has befriended my bonce.....

.....d'ya think that if I sleep on that magnetic pillow thingy I
bought last year, my hair will grow a few inches by Saturday?